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Wednesday, June 1
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I LIKE JAMES VAN DER BEEK'S BODY OF WATER
If there is anything one should do during their summer break, watching TBS in the morning is definitely not one of them.
Dawson's Creek has me sucked in. I saw the entire first season when it originally aired (I believe I was in the fourth grade when it debuted), but I only did it to hang out with my older sister's hot friends. Little did I know that I would be forever drawn into Joey's eyes until the end of time.
Speaking of which, Tom Cruise = Fucking CRAZY.
After the first season, I lost interest; I then turned into an elitist asshole who shunned anything widely popular, but that lasted for only a year when I had realized that exclusively liking the unknown is so fucking lame. Go Blink182 (They broke up -- FUCK).
Back to Dawson and the show's ugly abyss that is Dialogue That Would Never Exist In High School. Even though I tend to enjoy this series (though I can't pinpoint WHY -- it has every factor of television programming I resent), I beat myself up at the end of every episode.
"WHY, HUGO, WHY DO YOU WATCH THIS CRAP?"
Then I reply, "BECAUSE IT'S FREAKING AWESOME."
Then I reply, "HUGO, YOU NEVER USED TO WATCH TELEVISION, WHAT HAPPENED?"
Then I reply, "TBS HAPPENED."
Multiple personalities don't exist, you know.
Yes they do.
Going back to the mysterious "why" of liking Dawson's Creek, I wonder why no one (well it seems like it) brought up the issue of New Yorker dialogue that existed between these pre-college characters. They're all so pathetically witty (you know, the banter that clenches onto historical and really obscure pop culture references) and just so... Unbelievable.
DAWSON: Joey, it's time we ...you know, there was once a tiger in Ancient Rome. It was always restricted to play with the other tigers, and until the fall of the Empire did the tiger ever really get any type of atte--
JOEY: DAWSON, no -- no. I understand. Our mutual understanding of this strange occurrence that is... is.. LOVE has blinded us with yet even more vulnerability. It's trite, I say. Trite.
DAWSON: Joey?
JOEY: Dawson?
DAWSON: I think my mother is in a state of fornication with my father right now -- on the coffee table.
JOEY: Oh, not again. I MEAN, C'MON, NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS. NO ONE. NO ONE!
(Props to me for the fake script excerpt -- holla!)
The show is just so bad at REALLY representing the way we, all of us, talk. Tell me if this seems a little more accurate:
HUGO: Hey, asshole -- did you hook up with the broad in Chemistry?
DAVE: Don't call me an asshole.
HUGO: Well, you are an asshole.
DAVE: FUCK YOU, HUGO.
HUGO: FUCK YOU, MAN.
DAVE: Starbucks after school?
HUGO: I'm buyin'.
DAVE: Fuck yeah. Then we walk to class forgetting that the whole conversation was about the girl in Chemistry.
Maybe it's different on the east coast, where Dawson and Co. live. Maybe. Just maybe.
Dawson's Creek: So bad, it's good.
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