I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.
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Friday, July 8
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THE HUMANITY!!!
THERE COMES A TIME IN A MAN'S LIFE WHERE ONE SAYS TO HIMSELF, "SELF: 1, WHY IS PAUL ANKA STILL ALIVE AND 2, WHY THE HELL IS HE MAKING AN ABOMINATION OF HIS CAREER?"
I FEEL ROBBED. I FEEL TORTURED. I FEEL -- DEFILED.
I DARE Y-- NO, NO, I REALLY MEAN IT, I DARE YOU TO LISTEN TO SAMPLES OF PAUL ANKA'S LATEST.
I LISTENED TO IT LAST NIGHT. IN ITS ENTIRETY.
I CRIED. I CRIED SO MUCH. IN FACT, I'M SO HURT, THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M STILL TYPING IN CAPS.
I REALLY CANNOT.
NEVER IN MY LIFE COULD I HAVE IMAGINED MYSELF HAVING THE MERE TENACITY TO EVEN FATHOM THE CREATION OF SUCH ARTISTIC GARBAGE; I ALMOST FEEL APOLOGETIC FOR DISMISSING CONTEMPORARY ART FOUND IN WEST HOLLYWOOD.
LAST NIGHT, I WAS IN A DARK, DARK, COLD CORNER, PRAYING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AT LEAST 12 YEARS, AND I NEARLY DROWNED IN MY OWN ABYSS OF SALTY TEARS.
I DARE YOU LISTEN TO THESE SAMPLES.
I TRUST YOU WILL MAKE TRUE JUDGMENT -- AND DUMP THIS ALBUM IN THE BIOHAZARD BIN.
HAVE A PAUL ANKA-FREE WEEKEND.
PLEASE.
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