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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Wednesday, September 28   >>

BLOOD, SEX, AND CRIME: WHAT AMERICA COMPLAINS PROFUSELY ABOUT, BUT SECRETLY LOVES

ER
CSI (3 Cities)
SVU
NCIS
LAX
OC

No, it's not the Daily Jumble. Can you believe those are actually names for TV shows?

Lest I mention that all of them, with the exception of The OC, are crime shows (YES, EVEN ER).

What the hell is network television's lust for crime shows? I don't understand the massive boner America gets for crime solving. I just don't. It's really fucking ironic that in super-sensitive America the highest rated shows are those that have to do with, like, rape and drug smacking.

There are a gajillion stories out there in the world that could make for perfectly great television. Make a comedy drama based on people who work at a Crayon factory. Or on a family that lives in Budapest. Or, like, 6 close friends in New York City who congregate at a local coffee shop to see who they're going to get laid by that night, 2 of which who have a "WE WERE ON A BREAK" kind of silly relationship.

I could keep on going. But, no. Networks always have to get the acronym crime shows. There has to be a reason for this, besides ratings. Maybe these shows are pathetically easy to make. Maybe there's a formula.

Yeah, there just has to be a formula to it.

You have to have the acronym, fo' sho'.

Then you have a hard ass lead character who looks like the mail clerk at the office you work at but in this case is the fucking head honcho at the FBI or whatever. Sorta like this tool in the middle:

Then you have to have someone die.

Then someone in the show has to have some kind of medical condition that is some kind of metaphor in battling crime or something.

Then you have a really, really gay opening sequence with cheap techno music and the actors going OOH and AHH, clutching their gun holsters in utter Hollywood vanity.

BOOM -- INSTANT HIT.

Crime shows are so freaking lame it makes me re-puke my previously swallowed puke. It's just so cliche to have a crime show on television. They're almost as abundant as Reality TV programs.

But at least some Reality TV programs are, well, good.

Speaking of which, PLEASE tell me someone saw the conclusion to the Spanish television smash phenomenon EL PRINCIPE AZUL. AWESOME.