Friday, September 9   >>

CHANNELS FOR FOOD ARE MORE AWESOME THAN YOUR MOTHER

Working on FoodTV can be either one of these two things:

- Really freaking awesome

or

- Really horrible

Imagine what it must be like to be Emeril, going *BAM!* with a spice and having an entire audience fellate you as if you were Usher. Imagine being that fat Italian redhead guy and traveling the entire world ...TO EAT. Imagine being Marc Summers (formerly known for his Dateline story on his weird OCD -- oh, and Double Dare) and eating DESSERT ALL DAY. Imagine being Al Roker and... BEING AL ROKER.

Sounds like an awesome job, right?

Heck yes.

My dream job on FoodTV would probably have to be the guy in Iron Chef America -- you know, the one that reveals the secret ingredient for the day.

[drumroll]

" And today's secret ingredient is...

...BUTTER!!! "

[LIGHTS, PYRO, CHAOS, UTTERLY INSANE THEATRICS]

Awesome.

But think about the polar opposite.

Think about the crew.

Think about those poor cameramen who have to endure filming such delicious culinary works of art -- AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT THEM.

Don't tell me that the hosts make portions for everybody. Ever notice that the host only cooks enough for, well, HIMSELF (or herself)!? Self-absorbed, selfish, jerkface head!

You know what creeps me out, though? When a host comes out and shakes everybody's hands. And then he or she cooks. That's just gross. Gross.

It's the weekend! ROCK IT!