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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Tuesday, September 20   >>

EASING ROAD RAGE: THE FREEWAY REFORM ACT OF 2005

I am on my way to be a freakin' lobbyist. Good-bye college, hello city council!

I have another little proposal for us Americans and our great American nation.

The freeway system's just GOTSTA change. Can I get a fuckin' Amen?

AMEN.

How many times have you, Southern Californian resident, been stuck in traffic? And how many times have you seen cop cars surrounding a crashed up VW only to see that the moron in front of you is STOPPING and LOOKING PATIENTLY, TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO THE THOUSAND OF CARS BEHIND HER (IT'S USUALLY A HER), AT THE ACCIDENT?! DOES THAT NOT PISS YOU OFF?

(Men do not take the time to look at an accident, they're too busy getting lost.)

These people are STUPID. SUB-HUMAN STUPIDS. That's what they are.

Everytime I see one of these pricks looking at an accident, I want to throw a match in their gas tank. Nothing is more annoying than an oaf on the road amused by broken glass and dead bodies. It irritates me more than BEETS. God knows how much I don't like to eat beets.

So what's the solution?

Well, every on-ramp should have two entrances.

STUPID PEOPLE [arrow down] and NOT STUPID PEOPLE [three arrows down]

Two separate ways with the same destination. Stupid People would get into the accidents, killing two birds with one stone by CREATING the accident then LOOKING at the accident.

The Not Stupid People lanes would move like blood in Lance Armstrong's arteries -- 75MPH, and everyone giving each other the "Hang Loose!" hand signal at every lane change. Drivestrong!

I AM NOT AN IDEALIST.

IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID.

I mea-- Nevermind.

While I'm on a binge of fake legislation, I suggest that the State shut down the main LA freeways for one week so that contractors could widen up the lanes and re-pave the following freeways:

The 5

The 101

The 10

The 101

The 101

The 5

The 5

and lastly

The 101

All in favor, say Aye*.

* (Though since Governer Schwarzenegger's election, "Aye" has been changed to "SCHNA√úZENHAUSER!!!!")