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Friday, October 14
BOTTOM OF THE 18TH... HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES -- TOUCHDOWN! THE YANKEES LOSE!
I'm fucking stupid when it comes to sports. But I have to say that the Angels' victory over the Yankees left me absolutely ECSTATIC.
NO NO NO, before you think I've jumped on some sort of seasonal bandwagon, just hear me out.
Have you ever met a Yankees fan? Have you ever been to New York City during baseball season?
It is the most annoying thing ever. You have everyone going, "HEY, GOOD STOCK PICK... GO YANKS! ONE LOVE!" or "YO, TOMMY, GETTA OVAH HERE! [SLAPS BACK OF TOMMY'S HEAD] GO YANKS, BLESS YA MOTHA'S HEART!"
It's absolutely ridiculous. It's as if God crapped a huge, invisible baseball spirit right in the heart of NYC. It happens every year. Every year.
I vividly remember going out with my cousins (who live in the Apple) and one of their friends (let's call him Steve) asked me if I liked baseball.
I had to respond. "Meh, not really."
"WHAT THE FAWCK? AH YOU SERIOUS?"
"Yeah, I'm serious."
"EVA BEEN TO A BAWL GAME, KID?"
"Yeah. Dodgers. Took my mitt, didn't catch shit. Pretty boring."
"WHAT THE FAWCK?"
It's the kind of cursing that you hear on Goodfellas. You all remember Goodfellas, right? Okay, remember in that scene how mad that one guy was when he was flushing the dust down the toilet when the Feds were arriving?
Well, "Steve" sort of responded like that.
And I got that kind of response at least 70 times from several other Yank fans.
Goddamn I'm glad the Yankees lost. Maybe now NYC will stop pushing a quarter of a billion dollars into a losing team, and then that way their fans will stop being the most irritating sports fans on the face of the world (close second: Cricket fans from the Liverpool District).
In related news, I'm also ecstatic that the Angels lost the other day because of some stupid error by the catcher's umpire.
Now that I think about it, Angels fans are becoming as bad as Yankee fans.
You know what? Screw it -- FUCK ALL Y'ALL IN BASEBALL.
Have a fine, baseball-free weekend!