I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.
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Wednesday, April 1
Hey, look -- it's things only a 20something virgin has the time to think about. For the record, I've only been OCD about clearing Pacman dots.
Anyway, it's April Fool's (Fools'?) Day and I am dry of ideas. This used to be a pretty spectacular day in my calendar, but all of a sudden things like bills, my job, graduation, post-graduation, and other things have suddenly become more important than temporarily ruining someone's day.
Often times such inspiration comes on a day that isn't April Fool's (Fools'?) Day, like one time a couple months ago where, out of sheer boredom, I called The Tony up and left the most horrible voicemail ever known to man.
You have to understand that The Tony is one ultra emotional motherfucker. Like, seriously, he cried at his sister's quinceanera. Funerals, I'll understand. Weddings, perhaps, a long shot, but still, perhaps.
But a QUINCEANERA!? What a fucking flamer. So I had to exploit our mutual strong emotions for our mutually strong friendship and destroy it in a matter of seconds. You know, for shits.
It went something like:
*beep*About a half hour later, The Tony called. In tears.
HUGO: TONY. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I CAN'T BELI-- NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT OUT AND TOLD HER AND ALL HER FRIENDS IN AN ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE MY CHARACTER IN FRONT OF PEOPLE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AT [SUCH-AND-SUCH-WORK-RELATED-EVENT]. YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE I REGRET THE MOMENT I EVER CONSIDERED YOU MY FRIEND, LET ALONE A MAN. DON'T EVER CALL ME BECAUSE THERE'S NO JUSTIFICATION AROUND SUCH FUCKED UP ACTIONS -- YOU ARE A STAIN IN MY LIFE AND YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A STAIN TO ANYONE EVER REMOTELY ASSOCIATED TO YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
According to him, he didn't even make it past the first 15 seconds.
I'd say it's the greatest prank ever, but CollegeHumor's Amir vs. Streeter prank war has redefined the word "epic." It's beautifully orchestrated humiliation on a perversely demented level.