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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, June 11   >>

BEHIND THE JEW: TRANSFORMERS

EXEC: LISTEN. YOU'VE GOT 150 MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE FUCKING BUDGET. AND IMAX CERTIFICATION. AND MICHAEL FUCKING BAY. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. PER-FECT. OKAY? NOT ONE FUCKING GLITCH. THE ENDING IN DOWNTOWN L.A.? YEAH, THAT SHIT BETTER GIVE EVERYONE NIGHTMARES. PERFECTION. PER-FEC-SHONE.

PRODUCER: And the jokes?

EXEC: IS ADAM SANDLER IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE?

PRODUCER: ...No.

EXEC: IS WILL FUCKING FERRELL IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE?

PRODUCER: ...No, sir, I was jus--

EXEC: WE GOT EXPLOSIONS, SHIA LEBEOWULF, 'BOTS AND TITS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEE-- WAIT. THE TITS. WHO'S GONNA BE MY TITS.

PRODUCER: Well, we have this one new girl ...Megan Fo--

EXEC: WHAT? WHAT'S HER NAME? FUCK HER NAME. SHOW ME HER TITS.

PRODUCER: *shakily pulls out a headshot*

EXEC: GREAT FUCKING ASS. FUCK. FAWK. HOLY FAWK THIS BITCH'S HOTNESS COULD MELT THE FAWKING SUN. FAWK. HOLY FAWK. HOLY FAWKING SHIT IF SHE FAWKING FUCKED THE WORD FAWKED THE VERY DEFINITION OF "FUCKED" WOULD BE SO FAWKING FUCKED.

And that's how Megan Fox was hired.

----

Remember Jar Jar Binks? And how unnecessary he was? Yeah, 2008's Jar Jar is, hands down, Megan Fox.

She is such a heinously offensive after-thought in the scope of Transformers' mega machismo. I haven't seen such contrived acting since Varsity Blues.