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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, June 4   >>

KEWL GUY, ON AISLE 2

Last night I was at a show whoring out the latest issue of the magazine I write at, standing before a merch table with other merch people selling merch-y stuff.

One fratty-looking guy came up to me, absolutely and embarrassingly trashed, and pulled me in, via shoulder, with his hand.
FRAT BOY: I'M FROM SEATTLE... I FUCKING HATE L.A. CROWDS. ALL YOU GUYS DO IS JUST STAND. IN SEATTLE, WHERE I'M FROM, WE DON'T JUST STAND; WE ROCK THE FUCK OUT, MAN. I HATE YOU GUYS.

HUGO: K. Want a magazine?

FRAT BOY: TOAST, MAN, TOAST ...*holds up drink*

HUGO: It's a free magazine!

FRAT BOY: LISTEN, K. I'M A BIG DEAL, ALRIGHT? DON'T FUCKIN' THINK I'M A LOSER OR ANYTHING... I'M A BIG DEAL. I'M ONE OF THE MAIN GUYS AT WARPED TOUR.

What the fuck is a "main guy" at Warped Tour?

HUGO: What do you do.

FRAT BOY: I ...PLAYED WITH THE USED. TWICE. ON DRUMS. TWICE. GREATEST NIGHT EVER.

HUGO: Huh?

FRAT BOY: LISTEN, BRAH -- HERE'S MY CARD. TAKE IT, USE IT, ABUSE IT.

HUGO: Okay. Are you in PR?

FRAT BOY: ...YEAH. PR.

HUGO: Cool. Okay, bye!

FRAT BOY: HEY WAIT WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS MAGAZINE.

HUGO: Right ...here. Page 2.

FRAT BOY: WANT ME TO [inaudible]

HUGO: Uh, er, okay!

FRAT BOY: SAVE IT, FRAME IT... GOTTA GO BACK TO MY TABLE, I CAME WITH DAVE NAVARRO AND HE'S SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY.
He autographed all over the About the Staff page:

TO HUGO,

GOOD LUCK, BROTHA!
KEEP IN TOUCH AND
WE'LL MAKE THINGS HAPPEN

LOVE,
BJORN

The Girlfriend later caught him giggling with barely legal buddies, the same ones I saw paying older dudes to buy them drinks.

I am seriously one step away from putting this kid's last name on the blog. That's how much he really deserves it.

----

Fuck it, I'm going to do it anyway. Bjorn Sorensen, you're a douchebag and I hope this entry makes it to the top of the results in a search for your name. Not even $100 bucks could make me take this entry off.

$200, maybe. WE'LL JUST. HAVE. TO. SEE.