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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Tuesday, October 13   >>

THE LIL' SLUT

One of my piano students is a 12-year-old girl who is absolutely obsessed with her iPod Touch and, well, herself. She dresses and talks very provocatively. She's ...kinda on the road to be a little slut. Just being honest, folks.

I entered her house last Friday as she was in the middle of throwing a fit with her mom.
LIL SLUT: MOM. WHY.

MOM: Because it looks horrible, that's why.

LIL SLUT: BUT OH. MY. GOD. MOM. IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

MOM: Hi, Hugo -- can I ask you a question, in front of my daughter? You know, the girl whose bills I pay?

HUGO: ...errr... okay.

MOM: Okay, tell him what you want.

LIL SLUT: NO MOM C'MON, HE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW.

MOM: Just tell him. If you want it so badly, show me.

LIL SLUT: Okay. Hugo. Check this out. I just. Want. A piercing. On. My. Lip. BIG FUCKIN' DEAL, RIGHT?

MOM: HEY WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE. So, what do you think, Hugo -- is that going to make her look attractive?
NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL A CATCH-22!

I mean, seriously, what kind of fucked up mother asks her daughter's 23-year-old piano teacher if her daughter is going to look "attractive?" If I say yes, then I'm in the run to be the next Pedobear; and if I say no, then that means I actually quantified this in my mind, and then further denied it, only proving that my sexual exploits with said daughter wouldn't be good enough for me.
HUGO: ...uhh... Okay. Well... it's going to be hard to get a job with a hole in your face.
WTF -- NICE JOB, GRANDPA.
LIL SLUT: WHAT. OH MY GOD, MOM, THAT'S A LAME-ASS ANSWER.

MOM: He's right, you know. No one's going to hire you. You're going to look like a floozy. Get it when you're 18.

LIL SLUT: OH MY GOD, IT'S JUST A LITTLE ITTY BITTY THING ON MY LIP. AND BY THE TIME I'M 18, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE IN-FASHION.

HUGO: Well, you're wrong about that... people have been putting holes in their faces for as long as pirates have existed. They're like tattoos. They're never going to go out of style, trust me.

LIL SLUT: YES THEY WILL OH MY GOD, HUGO, I THOUGHT YOU'D BACK ME UP. ...HAVE YOU EVER SEEN 'CHARM SCHOOL' ...YOU KNOW, ON VH1?

HUGO: No, but I know what it is. It's when all those slutty girls go to a fake etiquette academy.

LIL SLUT: RIGHT WHATEVER, THERE'S THIS GIRL WHO HAS TWO PIERCINGS ON HER DIMPLES. TWO. IT LOOKS SOOOOOOO CUTE. BUT I JUST WANT ONE.
She cited "Charm School" as a means for argument.

I have no faith in our future.