I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.
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Tuesday, December 14
LIKE, UM, I TOTALLY KNOW THAT AWARDS SHOWS ARE SHAMS
...where winners aren't really rewarded for their work, and typically get awards either as symbolic gestures, or sympathy, or because of how fucking off-the-chain their invite-only cocktail party was for voters, but, really, what the fuck were the HFP smoking giving The Tourist, well, anything? Let's not factor in the fact that I haven't seen it (well, no one did, really), and let us take into suspicious consideration that it was nominated for Best Comedy/Musical. And, yeah, I know the blog is abuzz with this specific peculiarity, but I don't give a shit, and I think this is worthy of a mild rant.
Really, though, I'm more mad that I'm mad at this.
So I got a call at 4 a.m. this morning from my bank's fraud department.
ASSOCIATE: Your checking account has been compromised, and we'd suggest closing your debit card for security purposes.
HUGO: Wait, what?
ASSOCIATE: An unidentified merchant has taken money from your account.
[I instantly wake up]
HUGO: WHAT THE FUCK. WHO? WAIT, NO, HOW MUCH?
ASSOCIATE: Zero-point-zero-one cents.
HUGO: You're calling me at 4 a.m. to tell me that someone stole a penny from my checking account?
HUGO: Okay, yes, I'll authorize the cancellation of my card.
ASSOCIATE: Would you like your penny credited to you instantly, or through a mailed check?
HUGO: I'd like my penny credited to me instantly. How long will this transaction take?
ASSOCIATE: Your penny will be credited to your account within 7-10 business days.
HUGO: Saturday isn't a business day, right?
ASSOCIATE: It is, actually.
HUGO: In that case, I'd like my penny sent to me via mailed check.
I had to. Can't wait for my big pay day! PAPA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES.