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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, June 2   >>

'HUGO'; I-D-I-O-T; 'HUGO'

Please tell me someone else saw the Scripps Championship Spelling Bee this afternoon on ESPN. I know I can't be the only one.

I remember when I used to be in the Spelling Bees at my school. Every year. Never got top prize, but always ended up in the final 3 or 4. I read the dictionary.

...for fun.

"YAY, HUGO, YOU KICKED THE CLASS' ASS, NOW MOVE ONTO THE SCHOOL SPELLING BEE."

"Um, Okay."

The most traumatic moment is a tie between the 3rd Grade Spelling Bee of my elementary school and the 4th Grade District Level Spelling Bee.

This is what "went down" in the 3rd Grade Bee:

"Hugo, your word is 'plateau'."

Okay, in my head, I was thinking, "Why the FUCK would they give a 3rd grader that kind of word? Everyone gets 'floor' or 'butterfly' or 'candle' -- I get a fucking flat mound of land."

"Plateau. P-L-A-T-O-H. Plateau."

After the stupid red dot showed up, I marched down the stage. Humiliation followed as my sister said, "HAHA, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SPELL IT P-L-A-Y-D-O-H."

I was, like, "You're a B-I-C-H."

I couldn't spell "bitch."

After winning the 4th Grade Bee, the top two of us went onto the District Level.

"Hugo, your word is 'Amateur.'"

In my head, I'm like, "etymology... French. No. Italian. No. Poop -- Greek?"

I had to spell something before time ran out.

"Amateur. A-M-A-T-U-R-E. Amateur."

After getting the 4th place prize (why couldn't the spirits just give me a goddamn bronze piece of crap?), my sister picked on me again.

"PFFT, you're supposed to spell the word Amateur, not the fragment phrase 'A mature' -- A mature what? HAHA, YOU'RE AN IDIOT."

Traumatic.

Amateur and Plateau.

I will never forget how to spell those goddamn words ever again. God. Damnit.

Anyway, as I was watching the kids on the Championship Bee, I was wondering what would happen to the contest had this happened.

"Ziloly Akhbirbabad, your word is..."

[Papers shuffling]

"...Okay, we've run out of words."

I mean, just think about it. The last 4 kids and all the words in the English language have run out. Yes, all 470,000 of them.

What would happen? The rules state that words CANNOT be repeated.

What gives? Vague, I say.

Speaking of Spelling Bee memories in elementary school, today my jazz trio had a gig at a retirement party. It was for the principal of a local 4/5 grade school, and I saw many of the teachers I had several years ago.

After the gig, I played Tetherball with my bass player and my drummer. They severely kicked my ass into plastic ball submission.

It was a weird trip down memory lane. I even saw the teacher who gave me detention for saying "you're stupid" to a peer. What an ass. I bet she still does that.

Did I mention the post on Dawson's Creek yesterday went on too long? Well, it doesn't seem to have bothered readers, but after I read it, I needed a water break.

Okay, I'm done with this entry. You've all behaved very badly, so I'm just going to make a rude exit.

Whores.