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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, August 11   >>

THE DEMISE OF THE BITCHIN' OPENING SEQUENCE

Today's opening sequences in sitcoms really blow. They usually consist of model shots profiling each character, smiling to a famous pop song that gets really annoying by the 12th time hearing it.

I really loved watching sitcoms for the opening montage of cheesy scenes and awesome original theme songs. The perfect example of this would be ABC's TGIF.

Those were the years when staying in on Fridays was hip, because none of us could miss Family Matters, Step by Step, Boy Meets World, and several other programs I cannot think of due to my limited time of writing this post.

In the Family Matters theme, there would be a panoramic view of Chicago -- then you'd hear the "choo...ch-ch-ch-ch-chigga-da-do..." and then the piano rolls in and then the gospel choir wails. Then, while all that great music was going on, Urkel would say hello! to the camera over a computer, and Carl would be coming in from his day as a security guy, and Little Richie would come in from the backyard on a tricycle.

That was fucking awesome.

This was the same with every sitcom, even the ones off of TGIF.

Take Full House for example. You know the song. Now imagine the opening sequence -- Look! It's Uncle Jesse by a red car he doesn't own because the writers have implied that he drives a Harley (INCONSISTENT, KTHNX). Look! It's Danny tossing a football to... (switch camera)... Michelle! Oh, that cute Michelle. She's so clinically stupid! Oh my god, if it isn't Kimmy Gibler, that ol' future-crackhead.

Good times, man.

I want my original theme songs back. I want faceless singers to come back and sing songs we can all still remember today. I want lame montages of clips where parents have an "Oh, kids!!!" expression, and where the kids are always in some active mode (or with books if they're nerds).

I miss that.

But there has been alternative openers that I really do not mind, if you ask me.

For instance, take Seinfeld. BA-D-D-DIDDILY-BA-DA-DOWWWW. Show starts.

Same goes with Curb Your Enthusiasm. Doooo doo-doo d'doo-doo-doo... BOMP. Show starts.

Give me either extreme fakeness and original music, or give me a 2-second song byte with a program's logo. I don't want pop songs. I just want originality back.

Friends, I think, changed the course of themes. What happened? SO NO ONE TOLD YA LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAYYYY [clap clap clap clap].

The Rembrandts. I think we all know what happened to them. Thank god the show was tolerable.

I hope networks bring back the cool shit. I'm too young for nostalgia, but every time I watch my favorite sitcoms on syndication, I get a little sad that we don't see that anymore. Just a little.

On another note, my favorite theme song is the one for The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Honestly, besides having a great opening sequence, it really is one of THE best songs ever. Ever. Period. No contest.

In fact, if there were a greatest songs list, it would go like this:

5. The Beatles - Fixing a Hole
4. Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus
3. Beethoven - Symphonia Eroica
2. U2 - One
1. Will Smith - The Theme to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

No contest, readers. No contest.