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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Tuesday, August 23   >>

FUCK FISH

About a week ago, The Girlfriend and I were playing Go Fish.

Let me be the one to tell you that I do not understand the title of this game.

When a player says, "Go Fish" does the player imply that I, the opponent, go fishing?

...Or does it imply, "Go, Fish" as in, "Go, you sea creature," as an insult?

The comma changes everything. Vague, I say.

One must understand that I hadn't played this game in, oh, 15 years. I prefer much more complex games that have to do with card stacking, with no rules for points.

Well, anyway, I had forgotten that I had to say "Go Fish" (or "Go, Fish") everytime I didn't have the card my opponent had so desperately desired.

"Do you have any... 9s?" she asked.

"No."

I said, "No," thinking that this was ALL that had to be said to subtly say, "Okay, get your card."

But NOOOOO. NEVER in Go Fish do you EVER forget to say the words. The Girlfriend, after shooting me with a 12-gauge shotgun in the throat, had told me, "NO, HUGO -- YOU HAVE TO SAY 'GO FISH'!!!"

But I kept on forgetting. And forgetting. And forgetting. And forgetting.

Soon after, I adapted to saying "Go Fish". The flesh wounds started hurting after a while.

I wondered, though, why there isn't a phrase for times when one actually GETS their desired card.

I have one idea.

Your opponent asks, "Do you have any... JACKS?!"

Now, instead of silence ... just say, "Go fuck yourself."

Then you hand them the card.