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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Monday, August 29   >>

I HAVE NO DIGNITY: HOW TO PUBLICIZE ONE'S STUPIDITY ON THE INTERNET

A couple months ago I saw a woman driving a car that has the driving wheel on its right side.

I, a person who is easily amused, was greatly amused.

Is that even legal? You know, to drive one of those right-sided wheel automobiles, here in The United States of America That is Too Cool for That Kinda Stuff?

I don't know. But it certainly got me thinking about the inconveniences that come with a righty-wheel car in the States.

Imagine you have one of those righty-wheel cars.

You think to yourself, "DO-DEE-DOOT-DE-DOO, LA-DI-DA, I'M DRIIIIVIN' YEAH! LEMME PUT MY EAGLES' GREATEST HITS TAPE IN! I would like some fast food!"

Then you pull up to a drive-thru. What would you do?

"That'll be $7.89 -- err..."

"Yeah, hold on, I need to walk to your side, jerkwad."

What happens when you leave a parking structure and you have to pay? Like, duh, totally inconvenient.

"That'll be $9.00 -- err..."

"Yeah, um, I have to walk a couple miles to pay you THANKS FOR THE REMINDER."

What happens if you, like, go on a controlled safari, and lions attack you from the right? SHOULDA BROUGHT THE BUICK, RIGHT?

Making left turns must be a bitch.

I guess the only advantage would be easier right turns. Not to mention ease in picking up a prostitute. It's just gotta be easier when picking up a hooker, for having the righty-wheel car would take away the normal stretch that comes with asking Candy what her price is for a Cleveland Steamer.

I hate to be an ignorant, auto-ethnocentric moron -- but why is there a difference of positions for the wheel? This is a concept that I find, well, RATHER RE-FUCKING-TARDED. Why hasn't the world joined in uniforming road signs, road direction, and car engineering?

I would assume it that has been attempted.

"The UN would like to summon an American-sponsored charter that would authorize all nations to uniform a road system and engineer designs for automobiles."

The French: "SACH-LA-BLAH! NO! I SAY VE KEEP IT BACKWARDS!"

The Canadians: "Whatever, eh?"

The Germans: "DAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ASDFO;ENO"

The British: "Well, we're pretty much sucking their cock, so, yeah."

The Brazilians: "Show us your tits!"

I order someone (note that I do not ask politely, I am ordering) to research the reason as to why the majority of the world utilizes the righty-wheel design, and why the States have it differently.

I would understand why Australia has it, after all, they do have toilets that flush backwards and they do read backwards and they all say "Lefty Tighty, Righty Loosey, mate!" -- but the UK? Saudi Arabia? He-lllllllo ... we're on the same freaking hemisphere!

Excuse me, I forgot to take me eloquence pills.