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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, August 25   >>

I SMELL HIPSTER

There's something so gross about hipsters it makes me vomit. It's not their stupid straight-edge ideology, nor their liking for used, semen-stained clothing. Nor is it their elitist stench that wreaks from 3 miles away.

It's their predictability.

When The Royal Tenenbaums turned up on the preview reel a couple years back, I said to myself, "Hipsters will flock for this one."

And they did.

When Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind turned up on the preview reel at a movie a couple years back, I said to myself, "Hipsters will flock for this one."

And they did.

When Lost in Translation came up on the preview reel recently, I said to myself, "Hipsters will flock for this one, too."

And they did.

When The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou came up on the preview reel recently, I said to myself, "Hipsters will flock for this one, too."

And they did.

When I [Heart] Huckabees came up on the preview reel recently, I said to myself, "Hipsters will flock for this one, too."

And they did. (Not to mention pretend to understand the goddamn thing, when it essentially was satire on the entire pseudo-intellectual hipster premise they so strongly cling onto).

Today I saw a preview for a film called Thumbsucker.

The hipsters will flock for this one. It's a no-brainer -- their kind will stand in line for 3 hours just to blog about it.

There's a perfect formula for attracting hipsters to see your film.

- You need an old rock song from at least 30 years ago. Music from groups such as The Kinks or The Who will certainly fit any film's trailer.

- Then you just montage a bunch of obscure clips from the movie together.

- Then you synch them with the music.

- Then you have olive leaves bordering international critic accolade.

- Then you have unflattering font addressing what the film's name is.

- Then you have small text saying LIMITED RELEASE ONLY: CHICAGO, LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK, SEATTLE, SAN FRANCISCO, CLEVELAND.

That's it.

It's a formula that's worked for all of the above films. Why it works -- we'll never know. It's like furniture polish Pledge: Miraculous, but still so mysterious at the same time.

A movie trailer is the pitch to sell a film. The presented formula only shows one thing: Hipsters are whores to the wannabe-subculture industry.

Thank god I'm not a hipster.

In related news, I am going to watch The 40-Year-Old Virgin this weekend. Why? Because I love Steve Carrell, and, well, frankly, I don't give a shit if movies I watch aren't released by Focus Films.

But really, it's mostly because I love Steve Carrell. From his work on The Daily Show, to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, and even the U.S. version of The Office.

Oh, yeah, about The Office [U.S.] -- SO much better than the original British one. I don't understand why so many Americans love the original. It's full of British slang most of us can't decipher, and the actors are dry and boring. And please, don't even start with the "BUT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DRY AND BORING!!!!" argument. No. We're Americans. We don't know what is to be British. Stop pretending. Just stop. Please. Just stop.