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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Tuesday, November 1   >>

HOW I ALMOST RUINED A LITTLE GIRL'S 10TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

I showed up late to The Girlfriend's cousin's 10th birthday party. Here's why.

Let's call The Girlfriend's younger cousin Kat. Kat is really, really into Star Wars. She digs the flicks and the merch. I felt that I should just give her some cash so she can buy whatever 10 year old girls buy nowadays.

But I didn't feel like showing up and going, "HEY, KID -- HERE'S 10 BUCKS, DON'T SPEND IT ON BOOZE." So before I left, I felt like making a card on the computer and printing it on nice paper.

I thought, "Well, this girl digs Star Wars. And I am giving her money. So I'll make her a Star Wars themed card and put money in it."

GENIUS!

So I Googled an image via the search query "LUKE SKYWALKER." Ooh, I didn't mention this, but Kat has a huge crush on Luke Skywalker.

Then I imported the Luke Skywalker image on Photoshop (bless this holy software) and I typed "LUKE SKYWALKER WANTS YOU... TO HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Clever, I know.

I saved, then pushed print, and as it was printing, I shaved my face.

I came back, put the money in the card, put the card in an envelope, and double checked the card just as I locked the front door.

And I noticed something. Something really, really bad.

I had done something terrible that could've been doom for my reputation, and the innocence of that 10 year old girl.

I had imported an image -- of Luke Skywalker holding a dildo like a laser gun.

I HAD NO IDEA. Never did it cross my mind that searching LUKE SKYWALKER would give me such phallic results! I instantly FREAKED out, so I ran back inside and searched for a KID/REPUTATION-SAFE image of Luke Skywalker.

And I did.

And that took another 20 minutes.

And that's why I was late for The Girlfriend's cousin's 10th birthday party.

The force, at last, was with me.