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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, October 15   >>

I'M SICK

Fuck.

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My friends are so obsessed with tennis that last night we brought wide janitor brooms to brush the rain water off the courts, which lowered the risk of injury from "Highly Dangerous for a Tennis Game" to "Moderately Dangerous for a Tennis Game."

My bones are intact, but my throat (and my soul) is a bit collapsed.

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This is safe for work, but not safe for your pants. I asploded.

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Guys, what is the deal with that political thing? I mean, one guy says one thing, and then he says the next after having said the first thing which is actually the opposite of later-mentioned thing. Geez! Glenn Beck Huffington Post socialism fuck nigger!

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You know what really pisses me off? Doorbells. Sometimes you ring them, and you get this royal motherfucking orchestra of sound blaring through the house, as if the button you had pushed had somehow opened the doors above heaven. CLANG, CLING, CLANGITTY CLANG, SHOOM BING, CLANG, CLANG CLANG!

And then, sometimes, you get the doorbell you can't hear. This is a nuisance of the highest order. You push once, and you think, "Did anything sound off? Am I losing my hearing?" And then you push again. And again. And the door opens and the lady says, "I'm SO sorry, I was running in from the backyard when I heard you the first time," and you feel like an impatient asshole who had been drilling the living fuck out of her doorbell button.

And then, sometimes--oh, yes, it can get worse--you get the doorbell that doesn't function at all. You press once. And you press again. Nothing. You know you're not losing your hearing; if anything, you've arrived at a house whose owners are too fucking lazy to get that shit fixed. Then you knock on the door after having wasted 2 minutes of your glorious life. Fuck that shit.

And then, sometimes--OH, YES, IT CAN GET WORSE--you get the doorbell that functions, but NO ONE HEARS AT ALL. I ran into this anomaly one time some weeks ago when I rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang, and when the door opened, you hear a uniformed "tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet!" and then guy who opens the door tells you, "DAMN DOORBELL, WE NEED TO CHANGE IT TO A BELL 'CUZ NO ONE CAN HEAR ANY OF THOSE GODDAMN TWEETS. WHO HAS A TWEET AS A DOORBELL, RIGHT???"

RIGHT. FUCKIN' AY, MAN.

Fuck doorbells.