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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Friday, June 4   >>

SO YOU'RE GONNA BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE: REAL TALK

Class of 2010, congratulations!

...YOU'VE GRADUATED DURING THE WORST ECONOMY SINCE SLICED BREAD (not joking -- sliced bread was first sold on the eve of the great depression.)

As a recent graduate ("WOOO! CLASS OF 0-9! SO, SO FINE!") I can tell you a lot of things that will happen right after you graduate.

If you're like me, you'll have a bitchin' graduation party a few days after your ceremony. Everyone you've ever met in the past 20 years will come over to get completely shitfaced and jam to your mix of Jamiroquai, Al Green, Earth, Wind & Fire, and 8 hours of other dance hitz. Someone will make a scene. Others will take scandalous pictures. It will be awesome.

You will also be attacked by the same question from anyone over the age of 35:

"So, what's next?"

Don't get frustrated, because you WILL be asked this for, not just the party, the next 2 months. Prepare your answer. I went with, "I'm weighing my options, but I'd rather not say anything until I get what I want." See? Fucking classy, neutral, and to-the-point. You will be on auto-pilot with this response.

After a few bottles, you're probably feeling like you've just come back from a trip to the fucking MOON. "Ho. Ly. Shit. I am awesome. I am a grad."

Enjoy it, because it won't last long.

----

The next day you'll wake up super hungover. You will sit up on your bed.

It will most likely be silent. You will look around.

You will scratch your head. You will feel really gross.

You will walk to the bathroom. You will take a piss.

You will go to the kitchen. It is probably still silent.

You will get a glass of orange juice. And as you're finishing your glass, you will ask yourself:

"So ...what's next?"

And that's when you realize the days of cushy education and second-chances and fast-approved loans and all those other student benefits are OVER.

You are on your own.*

*Unless, of course, you're a trust fund baby or your parents are stupid enough to keep supporting you, in which case, go find a dealer and get used to the feeling of dust in your nose

It is an overwhelming, depressing feeling.

You will probably distract yourself with a trip to Europe or a couple sporadic weeks of dangerous benders, but that won't erase the fact that THIS.

IS.

IT.*

*Unless, of course, you need to go to grad school, but, unless you're going to be in law or sciences, don't bother since it's just a glorified way of prolonging your entry into the real world.

Eventually you're going to need to get a job. And everyone will tell you, "ZOMG THE ECONOMY THE ECONOMY GUYZ THE ECONOMYS." Fuck 'em. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Only the strong survive.

THIS IS HOW TO SURVIVE:

1. Don't panic.
2. Be relentless in the job hunt (it's a game of numbers/chances/timing -- not skill)
3. Don't ever forget to have fun.

It's that simple. It's like that episode of "Glee" from last week: Are you paralyzed from the neck down? Probably not (sorry if you are). That said, shut the fuck up, quit blaming the economy and the government, and take some fucking responsibility for where your life is going.

Yeah, you're on your own now, but you should consider that the best fucking news you've heard in your entire life. Trust me, I have never felt more relaxed, at ease, and AWARE of what I want, all because I'm the only one who dictates what I do, who I see, what I buy, where I go, and what I want.

YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME!?!?!

:D