DINNER FOR SUB-PAR JEWS
Dinner for Schmucks has to be one of the strangest films I've seen in a long time. Honestly, I don't even know what to think about it. I left the theatre really weirded-out.
Though I am happy to see Zack Galifianakis working a lot more in big studio comedies. Sometime in the early 2000s I went to a taping of his VH1 show to see Ben Folds and I remember thinking, "Wow, this host is a blowhard. Good luck to him in life!" I was stupid. He quickly became one of my favorite comedians. I will absolutely watch anything he's on. Not many people make me laugh-out-loud. He is one of them.
If you watch Schmucks, watch it for his introductory scene at the IRS. It is unfuckingbelievably good.
So, what did you do yesterday? That's cool. Sounds like a good day. Oh, me?
Not much, JUST GOT THREATENED WITH A FUCKING LAWSUIT, THAT'S ALL.
In short, the little brand I built at work has stepped up in Google AdWords to the #1 competing firm in the industry, and they don't like it. With accusations of our firm "stealing" their ad copy, they've threatened to sue us and shut us down, and I have the hilarious voicemail audio. I'll post it soon because it's a pretty limpdick scare tactic.
(Worst off, it comes from an internet marketer who makes a living off of get-rich-quick-online schemes. I'd post one of his "legendary tricks" videos where he's in wine country, saying to a stationary camera, "YOU can have MY lifestyle. I only work an hour a day and...look where I'm at!" Fuckhead.)
If I could be the first man on Mars with a likelihood of not coming back to earth, I'd so do it.
Think about it.
If I died, I'd go down in history books on the same level as Lewis & Clark, Neil Armstrong, and Christopher Columbus.
Plus, my loved ones would be SET for life. Could you imagine all the paid interview opportunities? Larry King would probably interview my GARDENER.
LARRY KING: What were your experiences with Hugo?
LARRY KING: Brilliant. MIAMI, YOU'RE ON WITH DL HUGHLEY.
And then I'd have all this undeserved notoriety from being mankind's riskiest and biggest dumbass. I could live with that.
I woke up late today and didn't shower. It's been an off-day. Is this evident?