HOW TO BE A ROCK STAR IN JUST 30 SECONDS
If you want to be a rock start in 30 seconds, repeat two notes in the exact same way over and over again for a prolonged amount of time when you have an instrumental feature in a live show. At first, it will seem self-serving and the audience will likely be annoyed, but keep going and your audience will then realize that this. phrase. is. important. A sudden wave of applause will ensue because playing two notes in sequence for 30 seconds will somehow imply talent.
I did this several times in college music events because there were certain changes I was clueless on doing phrases over.
Double points if this is a tritone.
Triple points if you travel your tritones in an alternate fashion (this is pretty legit shit, beware of said upcoming awesomeness):
D Ab
G Db
C Gb
F Cb
Bb E
Eb A
Ab D
...and so forth.
How To Be A Dick On Stage And Get Away With It (Perhaps Even Get Paid For It), in bookstores everywhere August 10th.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
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2 SNL references in a post. Beat that.
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Dear Phoenix (the band, not the city),
I wasn't really aware of you guys up until early last year when you were on Letterman. Your lead singer scared me because he looked like a zombie. That stuck with me.
Anyway, you guys have EXPLODED since then, so a few months ago I figured I'd give into the hype and try out your latest LP. I wasn't really moved by it so I just deemed you guys "ehh." Trust me, I gave it some 5 or 6 runs and it just wasn't my thing, but that's cool. It happens.
I've since discovered a lot of your early work, which is, like, miles more brilliant than what you're currently writing. Right now you're playing Stratego when your earlier works sound like you've personally dropped hydrogen bombs.
Please, go back to that. And send my regards to whoever taught you English. They taught you very well, you old French whores.
Thanks,
Hugo
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Make that 3.
