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I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.

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Thursday, March 3   >>

'OMG WHY ARE U GUYZ WASTING SO MANY CLICKS?!'

I like to take on other responsibilities here at work because I like to learn stuff and acquire new skill sets.

One thing that I had no idea I'd ever have an interest in is workflow efficiency.

Being a "workflow efficiency analyst" is just a euphemism for "Anal Retentive Office Administrator."

The task is to recognize that Person A needs to get information to Person D.

In a lot of offices, Person A has to pass a note to Person B. Then Person B has to pass it to Person C. Then Person C finally gets it to Person D. And, sometimes, Person D has to make calls to make sure it's Person A's actual notes.

If done exponentially, it can cost a LOT of money, and I'm certain it's cost American productivity BILLIONS of dollars. Workflow efficiency analysts find ways, whether by logic or new technology or simple common fucking sense, to make Person A's notes to get to Person D as quickly as possible at the lowest cost possible.

So I've totally been obsessed with this practice. It started out small but now I've become the guy who helps develop proprietary software to make the company run like a well-oiled, slick, and fit machine that can fuck for 9 hours straight. I want the office to have six-pack abs.

Like, I'm at the point where I'm becoming anal about wasted seconds. If it takes 3 seconds to open a lead, and an agent deals with 30 leads a day, that's 1 minute and 30 seconds a day devoted to open a lead. Now, multiply that by 100 agents doing that. That's TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS WASTED A DAY ON GETTING A FUCKING WINDOW TO OPEN.

Also, dialing. We have agents who dial. It takes an average of 4 seconds to physically dial a number. One agent calls about 60 numbers a day. That's 2400 seconds. Multiply that by 100 agents. You get the idea.

It's like I'm in the movie Pi. Well, I think it is. I've never seen it.

It's really fun, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, so it's a nice thing to have in my pocket in case (god forbid) anything goes awry with our e-commerce endeavors. #pattingmyselfintheback