I am a Los Angeles-based twentysomething. I have a profession, and I have a secret life in music, and this blog isn't about any of that. I like Blogger because I can't read what you're thinking.
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Wednesday, March 30
It was never intended, but a lot of people who've heard my band's songs have nearly been unanimous in saying it belongs in trailers and/or films. This strange and constant string of feedback surprised the shit out of me, and really fucked up my perspective in what we'd been doing since June of last year.
I make music for exclusively selfish reasons (mostly ego and for a sense of self-meaning, also because it's fun and stuff) so the idea that my own music could generate a drop of revenue freaked me out.
The romance of a rock star life--living on scraps, touring in a van with a broken radiator, having terrible experiences with shitty club owners, not having life insurance, etc.--never appealed to me. Maybe because I'm a coward to not want to risk THAT much for music.
And as someone who thought that said romance was the only way to do it, I always felt discouraged even thinking of the REMOTE possibility in making a living off of creating music.
But perhaps this new feedback is a sign. Not some new-age bullshit sign, but like a practical shove into a state of mind I, for a long time, rejected.
I mean, I've made music with a professional agenda before. I scored a short film before that was at a pretty major independent festival, and I was only, like, 14-years-old. That was fun. I also scored all the music to a video game in the educational software my dad developed. I was even in a house band for Spanish network television! And that's aside from composing bumper and background music for a ton of other projects.
So now I'm punching myself, wondering, "Why have I not continued to do that? I am completely happy when I am doing that kind of work. Self, you are a stupid."
Honestly, this is a massive awakening. If the creation of my band's EP was to push me on this path, then, well, fucking ay, I think I just discovered a new goal.